TootCrate

lol, these guys are awesome.

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TootCrate is a monthly subscription service that provides you with our toots in mason jars. That’s right, you pay us money, and then we fart into a mason jar and mail it to you.

HOW IT WORKS

We thoughtfully and artfully produce premium, organic toots specifically chosen for their aromatic fart crafting properties. The gases brew within our own digestive systems until they are deemed ripe and ready for your consumption. We then jar each fresh tortilla of flatulence directly at the source and immediately seal it to ensure the highest standard of stink-ability when you release it at the time of your choosing. From the seat of our pants to the tip of your nostrils, TootCrate is the go to solution for all your fart sniffing needs.

TOOT VARIETIES

We have varietals of toots for you to choose from, including:

Egg Farts
Indian Food Farts
Soap Farts
Silent but Violents
Dad Farts
Walking Farts
Sweaty Jogging Farts
Nothing But Coffee Farts
Beef Jerky Farts
Recirculated Airplane Farts
Sitting On Grandma’s Old Sofa Farts
Is That Someone Cooking Broccoli and Cheese? Farts
It Doesn’t Matter Because You’re In A Natural Hot Spring Farts
I’m Currently In The Automotive Aisle Of A Walmart So Who Gives A Rip? Farts
… and Whatever Else We Come Out With.

PLANS

1 Per Month Plan

$10.95 /mo + $20 S/H
Total Price: $30.95
Recurring 1 month plan
Temporarily out of stock. We are brewing up a fresh batch, so check back soon.

3 Per Month Plan

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$12.95 /mo + $20 S/H
Total Price: $32.95
Recurring 3 month plan
Temporarily out of stock. We are brewing up a fresh batch, so check back soon.

6 Per Month Plan

$14.95 /mo + $20 S/H
Total Price: $34.95
Recurring 6 month plan
Temporarily out of stock. We are brewing up a fresh batch, so check back soon.

ABOUT US

We are two southern gentlemen from the small town of Buies Creek, North Carolina. Our passion for succulent, mouth watering, nose tingling farts in jars has been with us since we first met in the 1st grade. We strive to provide you with farts that will make you say “Ew” or we’ll refund your money. Keep the farts though. We don’t want them back.
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Author: Protiguous

C# Software Developer, Father, and seeker of Truth.

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